Actually I have lived with you the longest and I think I know you the best.  I have seen you overcome more than any one person should have to go through, and you continue to move forward.  Some people (family and friends) have treated you differently because they want what you have got and can’t achieve that.  They treat you bad because it makes them feel superior and in control.  You have grown spiritually and “psychologically” so much since I have known you and I am proud of you.  All the pressures and fires you have gone through in your life have made you the diamond you are today.  Without them and the choices you made, you wouldn’t be where you are today, and I think that is right where God wants you to be serving HIM.  I LOVE you and I will continue standing by your side until death do us part.  Love you (MORE(infinity)).

My response to this is…

If it weren’t for you and God, I would have ended up in jail or dead.  For realz.  I was headed no where good….and fast. 

I knew that my life was at a dead end when I left home that day almost 20 years ago.  I knew that if I didn’t get out then, there would be no getting out.  I felt it to my core. 

 I’m not saying my “parents” would have killed me.  I am saying that I would have either tried to kill myself again (and again) until I succeeded or I would have landed myself in jail because of other bad choices. I was not in a good place, mentally, or otherwise and I was spiralling out of control. 

Buster, you were my rock. You and the Lord were all that I had to hold onto.  And I wasn’t very strong in my faith back then, so mostly I was holding onto you. But the Lord gave you to me, so there ya go…I love you today and always….you are my Mr. Right!!!

Thank you for always being here for me. 

 Thank you for loving me when I am unlovable.

  Thank you for standing up for me when I can’t stand up for myself.

  Thank you for being a wonderful father to our children.

Thank You!! 

Days like today…

Days when the ”voices” in my head are so loud, I can’t drown them out with the tv, the radio, games, movies, etc…

Days when I want to just give up and give in to the “voices”…

I just need to hold onto the knowledge of my Lord and Saviour and what He has done for me…

If I can…

As long as I can…

I believe that we wives and mothers set the spiritual tone in our homes. At least that’s what I have been taught. You know the saying, “When Mom’s happy, everyone is happy”. Do you ever have one of those days where you just want to crawl under the covers and hide all day?? I have those often.

I am thirty-two years old. I have been married for almost fifteen years. I have an eleven year old daughter and a would be fourteen year old son.  He was killed in an auto accident at ten years old. He would be fourteen years old August 15th. His name was Elijah. And though we miss him very much EVERY day….we find strength and peace in the fact that he was saved and is now in heaven. So I deal with the loss of my son everyday. To add to that, I am Bipolar, have Borderline Personality, and OCD. Whoa!! You think I must been on twenty five prescription drugs don’t you?? I am on NONE. That’s right NONE. I read my Bible everyday, I pray to the one TRUE God everyday, and every time the Church doors are open, I’m there. That is how I treat my mania, depression and neurotic behavior!!

Now I’m here to tell you , I still have bad days, just like anyone else. BUT I am also here to tell you , I could never get through the tough times without my Lord and Saviour. I also have a wonderful husband that takes very good care of me!! I had a not-so-great childhood and I have a lot of abuse in my past (physical, emotional and sexual), but I don’t let that determine who I am. I used to, but I have given all of that to the Lord and I now I choose to be happy and content. Yes, some would say I have every right to be bitter and sad because of my circumstances, but I believe that that would hurt only me and my family and most of all God. After all, he has given me so much to be thankful for. Everything that has happened to me in my life has made me who I am today, and I kinda like who I am and where I am. So to regret anything in my life or wish it hadn’t happened would be like saying I don’t like where God has put me and what He has given me. I need to have a positive attitude and a thankful spirit.

We, as humans are all sinners, deserving hell. I know that sounds harsh but it is Biblically true. So anything above hell is a bonus in my way of thinking. God sent his only Son to die on the cross so we wouldn’t have to got to hell. I don’t even deserve that!!!! So, any blessings I receive above that I am blessed or as some may say “lucky” to have!! So, in conclusion, remember that anything you have that is good in your life , you have God to thank for it. AND I think we all have more than we deserve!! So the next time we don’t want to crawl out from under those covers, let’s try to remember what God has done for us!! Thanks for reading, Have a Happy Day, God Bless!!

There you  have it folks, my first blog post…..

I have been having a rough week, and will probably be seeing  a Dr. to get put back on Bipolar/Borderline Personality Disorder meds.  On one hand,  this feels somewhat like a failure on my part to “pull myself up by the boot straps and carry on with life”.  But on the other it feels like I have done what I can do and I need to accept that fact.

So, while I am NOT thankful that God has “blessed” me with this affliction ,  I am thankful that God has given me wisdom to  know when I am at my limit and when to accept help!!  I am also thankful that God has allowed me to go two years without having  to be on meds.  And lastly, I am thankful that God has made a way to have  meds to help me when I need it.