Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired
Posted on October 27, 2011So, I finally went to the Dr. yesterday. It’s been weeks since I felt like myself. My chest has been feeling very heavy and recently I have had some burning and coughing. Day before yesterday I finally made an appointment to see my doctor.
They said to come in yesterday and if it got worse overnight to go into the ER. So that’s what we did, we went into the office yesterday. Doc says I have Pleurisy. Which is basically just inflammation of the protective lining around the lungs. This is odd to me because normally an infection or some sort of trauma occurs to cause such a thing to happen. None of which has happened to me recently.
Disease can also be a factor, so now I am left to wonder if I have something else going on with my body. Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus were the two that stuck out in my mind, but I’m sure there are others. I have been having problems with a lot of joint pain an weakness lately, but I don’t want to be one of “those” kind of people, you know the ones who think every ache and pain means they are dying of some mysterious illness….
Anyway, there it is. I finally went to the Dr. and there was something wrong and we are hopefully fixing it.
See you around, til then,
To Sell or Not To Sell??
Posted on October 20, 2011I have been thinking about selling my wedding ring set to pay off our last bit of debt that we have. It is just over $4,000.00 and if I sold my set and my hubby’s band, we could pay it off and be done with it for good. I really don’t want to sell them, but it would really help us out financially. In fact, it would save us almost $200 a month in payments.
That might not sound like a lot to most people but when you rely on support checks every month to pay your bills and you are only at about 10%, that’s a lot…
And since I don’t want to be without a wedding ring, I have been looking at getting a simple titanium wedding band. Nothing, extravagant, obviously, but it would have to make a statement, cause, after all, I am ME! 
So, how about it? What would you do if you were this close to being debt free??
She’s not my “little” girl anymore….
Posted on June 15, 2011Well, we recently went through a rough spot, you might call it, with our daughter, but she seems to be coming around now. She’s 14…need I say more?? Probably not…
She has always been a good child and always wanted to please her dad and I, but lately, she has wanted to do her own thing and didn’t really care what we had to say about it. It was really kind of exasperating. She felt like we were being unfair and refused to see our point of view about a situation.
My husband prayed with her and had her do some praying and extra bible reading and I really think she is coming around now. I am thankful that she does have a tender heart and that she has a heart for God and want to do right.
Although My husband and I are far from perfect parents, we have raised our daughter right and she knows what she is supposed to be doing and not supposed to be doing and I just have to trust that if we lovingly but firmly guide her back when she begins to stray that God will keep her where she needs to be. So far so good, I will continue to pray for her and guide her the best I can and leave the rest up to God…
Doing The Hard Work…
Posted on May 04, 2011Since starting a new “diet” (it isn’t really a diet, so much as a healthier lifestyle) last fall and then stopping it around the holidays, I have lost weight and gained it back and lost some again…
I have had similar results in the past. I have struggled for about 16 years or so I have finally just come to the point where I am tired of it all. I am going to make the change and not go back. I am changing my eating habits and getting more exercise and I am going to make those changes permanent.
I got to thinking, after reading some lipozene reviews, that I don’t want anything artificial or chemical in my body to help me loose weight. Because I cannot imagine that the weight loss will be permanent, and I don’t want to have to take a weight loss drug for the rest of my life.
I want to eat right and exercise and be healthy. In doing so, as long as my body needs to, it will shed weight. And when it no longer needs to, it will stop. Now, I am not saying I will never enjoy a candy bar or a piece of cake, but on a day-to-day basis, I will consciously make an effort to choose healthy foods that will not cause me to gain unnecessary weight.
I am also going to make a concerted effort to get more exercise. I will not be running any marathons any time soon or even working out for hours a day, but I will be getting some form of exercise, hopefully, daily.
Do you need to get healthy? Have any tips on getting healthy? Do you have a great healthy recipe you would like to share?? Have any ideas on how to get me moving??? Leave me a comment!!! 
I’m not a Fanatic!!
Posted on April 23, 2011Some may look at my new woe (way of eating) and think, I am being a little extreme. Well, in a way, I guess I am. I really need to take some weight off. Not only for my physical health, but for my mental health, too. I know that sounds funny, but I really haven’t been happy about my body for a long time. I don’t want to be a size 2 or anything, but I want to feel comfortable in my clothes and buy things I really like, not just what will fit!!!
But I had tried different things before, diets and exercise, and hadn’t really seen the changes I wanted. And even when I did, as soon as I stopped the diet and/or exercising as much, I gained the weight back.
So, I am committing, in front of God and everyone, to this new lifestyle.
As most of you know, Buster and I started “Let’s Do Lunch” (LDL) back in September. He lost almost 30# and I lost just over 15#. Not bad since we started September 1st and that weight loss was recorded in November!! So I know this works and it is very healthy and good for you. It’s not a fad diet that you can’t stay on and once you have done it for a while, it actually takes away most of your cravings for things you shouldn’t have!!
At Thanksgiving Buster and I decided to go off the plan and enjoy the holidays. I could just cry now thinking about all the weight I could have lost in the 4-5 months I was off the plan!!! But, I can’t change that now , all I can do is stick to it from this day forward (actually Monday forward). And, I DID enjoy the holidays!! Although, I think I could have enjoyed them without going off the plan…
All that said, I have been doing LDL again since Monday and while I might not do it perfectly ALL THE TIME, I am going to do the best I can. That’s not to say I will never have things I shouldn’t, like last night when I had a sliver of pizza while out with friends, but I will have as little as possible of those things to satisfy my craving. I will not sit and have 3-4 pieces of pizza in one sitting like I would have before.
Stay tuned, I will be reporting on my weight loss, posting my food journal, and posting recipes on here to keep ya’ll updated on my progress…anyone wanting to join me, feel free to post your questions, food journals and/or progress in the comments…with God’s help We CAN DO THIS!!!! Feel free to pray for me and I will pray for you!!!
$100 a week for GAS?????
Posted on April 22, 2011Buster had been saying for months that we really needed to get a different vehicle to take the girl to school with, because we were spending almost a $100 a week in gas alone. So, when we got our income tax return back which was dismal, at best, we went down the road and bought the neighbors little Neon.
It’s been a pretty good little car for what we paid for it!!! We’ve put almost as much into it as what we paid, though!! Oh well. We are only paying a little more than half of what we were for gas, so…
Then all we had to do was put the cheapest car insurance on the truck that we could. Which ended up being storage coverage. Cause you never know when a tree is gonna fall or softball size hail is gonna “attack” your vehicle!!!
I have a feeling we will be laying this car to rest before we can trade it or sell it but, it’s getting us where we need to go for now!!!
?????
Posted on March 31, 2011What is wrong with WordPress today?? I can’t make corrections without deleting everything already written, I can’t highlight anything, I can’t center anything….AAAAHHHH!!!! I have to write everything in the html tab….
HELP!!!
Struggles…
Posted on February 28, 2011As you can probably tell from my last post, I suffer from low self esteem, I think I always have. I have never thought myself worthy of any one’s love or affection.
I guess it all stems from my childhood. As a child, I moved around a lot. I was in the care of my mother, my grandparents, my dad, my other grandmother (and my dad together), my dad and step-mom, and finally a babysitter who eventually adopted me.
I didn’t have much stability or consistency growing up and I think it made me wonder what was so wrong with me that no one wanted to stick around. Whether that was actually the reason for people coming into and then leaving my life, that’s what it felt like.
All my life I felt like a burden. The people who didn’t leave, didn’t do me any favors by staying. Sometimes it’s better to just let go. If you can’t build someone up and love them and make them feel wanted, then why bother? Isn’t that what parents are supposed to do?? Do whatever they can to make their kids feel wanted and loved??
And aren’t we supposed to teach our kids?? Teach them what is right and what is wrong?? Teach them not only by telling them what to do, but also by example?? ”Train them up in the way they should go”…isn’t that what the Bible says??
When will we realize that what we “do” to our children has a direct result on “what” and who they become? I realize that we do make our own choices and can’t hold others responsible for our actions, but there is no denying that our upbringing does affect “who” we are!! Everything we go through makes up who we are…it’s important to be good to those we love and put into them what we wish to get out…
darkness…
Posted on February 25, 2011as i sat here this afternoon a wave of emotion washed over me. i wouldn’t say a bad wave, but it did make me cry. i thought about all the people in my life who have tried to help me. all the people in the treatment centers i was in that helped me. the people who worked in the psych wards i was in. the people who made it their job to make sure i was okay.
some of the people in my life actually did help me. they helped me see past my own sad little self to see the bigger picture. after all, the world really doesn’t revolve around me. and some of them really didn’t help me. they belittled me and degraded me, made me feel bad about who i am. i guess, in a way, they did help me. they helped me realize what and who i DID NOT WANT to be. showed me that i wanted to go in the opposite direction that they went.
i thought about the choices i have made and the directions i decided to go in. i know there are people out there who think i am a waste of the time and effort they “put into me”… they have written me off as a “lost cause”, someone who will never be a good person. and i wonder, are they right? was i worth it?? am i ever going to be a good enough? then you have the ones who told me none of us are good, we can’t be cause we are dirty rotten sinners (which is true). so i guess i have my answer…
i know God has a purpose for everyone and everything…blah blah blah…i wonder, though, was my purpose to make people realize that there are just some things in life that are not worth putting your time and effort into?? was i put on this planet to make sure that those who crossed my path would learn that no matter how hard you try, some people are always just going to let you down??
my adoptive parents have said (on more than one occasion, mind you) that they wish they had never adopted me. that says a lot to me about how they feel about me. and really, they raised me, lived with me, know me the best, so they should know me better than anyone, right?
but then there are people in my life who say they love me and act like they love me…maybe this is because they feel sorry for me?? like, dude, she is really screwed up and no one really wants her, so let’s be nice to her…
i don’t know, i really don’t. but i can’t help how i feel and right now this is it. i want to be happy and upbeat and i want to be all “God is good” and all that but right now, i really just don’t have it in me…
please Lord, help me in my time of need…help me to seek the Light in the darkness, before the darkness consumes me…
Gotta Love it!!
Posted on June 07, 2010Though you wouldn’t know it looking at my menu plan for the week, I am actually trying to get my family to eat better!! I am cooking up at camp this week and not just for us, so to try new things would be difficult. Anyways, I am trying to get Buster to “diet”. That is like trying to tie down and elephant with thread!! Not that my husband is in any way like an elephant….let me continue before I get myself in trouble…..
My point is, it is hard to get my husband to diet!!! =) I did get him into the habit of taking multivitamins for men for a while, though. I don’t really know how much good they did him with the way he ate, but I guess they didn’t do him any harm!! Since I do not do all the grocery shopping, it’s hard to keep only healthy stuff in the house. And then there is my teenage daughter who does not in any way shape or form need to LOSE.ANY.WEIGHT. In fact, she could stand to gain some, probably. And she does love potato chips in a big way!! She is always asking me to buy them, but then they are here and since I.LOVE.THEM.I.EAT.THEM!!!
Do you see the problem here??? =)
Carry On!! =)
my heart…
Posted on May 19, 2010today i write for me….not because i have a deadline or a certain meme i want to link up with, but for me. this week i haven’t joined in on the weekly memes i usually do and i did that on purpose. i needed a break, i needed to be free from my “obligations”, if you will. and before i get comments and e-mails saying i don’t have to link up every week….i know that, really i do…but today i blog because i want to, because i need to, for myself…
i find that blogging gets my thoughts out of my head where they can be dangerous and gloomy and threatening and it puts them out somewhere where i can look at them in a different way and deal with them in a healthier way….it kind of separates them from me. it probably doesn’t make sense to some, but it works for me!! =)
believe it or not, and some of you will not, and that’s OK. but, believe it or not, i have a good heart (as good as a sinful, but saved by grace, human being can have anyway). i think all people should be treated equally, regardless of race, sex, sexual orientation, wealth and anything else that can separate one group of people from another. that’s not to say i agree with everything a particular group does or doesn’t do, but they should be treated with respect and dignity. they should be prayed for and loved just like anyone else.
i try my very hardest to find the good in everyone, no matter how long or hard i have to look. and up until recently, i thought that everyone possessed at least some good in them. i felt that God makes people and God would never make something that didn’t have at least some redeeming value in it, right? i have recently realized that some people have taken the good God gave them and either destroyed it completely or buried it so deep that it can’t get out anymore. i have found that some people have let the devil take over their lives and given him the place that God should have had. they lie, steal, cheat, manipulate, cast blame, and just in general are not nice people. they are selfish and bitter and lash out to hurt others. and as a part of that, they don’t see this in themselves but seem to project it onto others and claim to see it in their lives. it is so very sad to me that they can’t even see that they are like this. the devil has tricked them into thinking they are right and anyone who isn’t like them is wrong or bad.
people who “suffer” in this way often blame it on something that happened to them in their childhood and/or a condition they have. someone molested them or beat them or hurt them in some other way. or they suffer from a mental disorder. that is a cop-out!! i can say that because i had a very tough childhood and i am also diagnosed with and documented to have bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder (among other things). my parents were separated and/or divorced either just before i was born or just after, i am not sure which but i know they were not together when i was taken from my mother at 18 months old for neglect because then i was placed in my father’s care for several years after that and was taken from him for physical and sexual abuse. from there i went to a “foster” home and the woman who took care of me there ended up adopting me. at 17 i left home after enduring years and years of physical and emotional abuse.
i am NOT in a any way shape or form saying i was a perfect child or teen(or that i am perfect now, for that matter, because i wasn’t, am not,and never will be while i am here on this earth)!!! i was naughty just like everyone else. and because of everything i went through as a child, i did have a lot of issues to deal with through counseling and therapy and such. and i did have to have therapy and medications and counseling and things like that for the “mental issues” i have. and yes, i got rude with my parents just like EVERY child does at one time or another. i didn’t do what i was told to do from time to time, just like EVERY other child does!! i lied to my parents occasionally, just like EVERY other child does (for the most part). i am ashamed to say it, but i did have a problem with stealing as a child and a teen but i have admitted it, repented and asked for forgiveness for it, which is all i can do now. BUT, considering where i came from and what i went through, it could have been a lot worse. i didn’t drink and party and and sleep around and do drugs, or any of those kinds of things. although, i did not have a good grasp on the difference between right and wrong, lies and truth, good and bad. i had been taught by example that lies were OK, that in a lot of cases bad was good and wrong was right. and i thought that the way i was brought up was normal. it was hard to keep everything straight.
then through some good relationships i slowly learned that lying is wrong and that i don’t have to lie to make and keep friends, in fact that is a good way to LOSE friends!! i learned that lesson the hard way in high school, unfortunately. but i learned it nonetheless. and i am so thankful i did, because now i have so many healthy relationships. i learned that there are people who will love me unconditionally, faults and all. that i don’t have to be perfect to be loved. i learned that everything good in my life comes from God and that He has allowed everything that has happened for a reason. i have learned that God doesn’t make mistakes and He is always in control, even though i may not always understand. i learned that with God’s help i can be different than those that hurt me, so i don’t have to repeat that cycle. i learned that i can forgive those who hurt me and not let that hurt and pain define who i am. i can CHOOSE to let my past hurt me and prevent me from doing God’s will for my life by being bitter and mad and depressed and feeling sorry for myself or i can allow God’s love and grace to wash all that away and I can live my life for Him. that is what i choose!! because being bitter and depressed and feeling sorry for myself only hurts me, it only makes my life miserable, and it gives satan reason to rejoice because i can’t effectively live my life for God if i live that way! and personally, i don’t want to give satan glory, i want to give God glory!!!
thanks for stopping by, sorry you didn’t find my “normal” posts this week about random things like weight loss and recipes, but fear not, i will likely be back in the swing of things next week!! thanks for “listening” to my ramblings. please vote on my new poll and let me know what you think…
and as always…
Beating the dead horse AGAIN!!
Posted on April 29, 2010So what is there left to say about finding diet pills that work, you ask? I really don’t know. I guess there is a huge market for diet pills these days. I personally have only tried one diet pill. It was one made specifically for women and their weight loss needs. Specifically water retention. That was one of the main areas the pill worked on. Not sure what the others were, but these pills targeted like 6 main causes of weight gain or lack of weight loss that plague women. I did not see results, but I also didn’t take them faithfully and I am the type that if I don’t see results right away, I give up!!