aahhhh i always feel better after a good cry. i have been thinking about my son so much lately that it is driving me crazy…literally. plus i am frustrated about other things right now which doesn’t help at all. do you ever feel like EVERYTHING is going wrong?? what is that saying?? it never rains but it pours??? i always think that means that its all or nothing….good or bad….rain (and lots of it ) or no rain. am i taking that out of context or is that what it means?? i just feel like a ton of bricks is on my shoulders right now. we are having some financial strain and i miss my son and my hubby is looking for a different job and i’m looking for a job (which could be interesting as i do not do well in an “outside” job situation) and my dog isn’t well ( cant afford to take her to the vet right now) and we have 6 puppies we can’t seem to get rid of and we can barely afford to feed the two dogs we own let alone the puppies! and ……………………. uuuuugggghhhhhh!!!! it just goes on and on. it just goes on and on……..
About Me
I have been married to Buster, since 1993. I am "Mom" to three precious gifts from God. My daughter, 'The Girl' is 15 (going on 25 lol). She is beautiful, opinionated, head-strong, smart and loves God. My son, Lil' Buster went to heaven when he was 10 (car accident in 2004). He was all boy but adorable, tender-hearted and loved God. And one sweet baby we never got to meet is waiting for us in heaven with Lil' Buster.
I am wife, mom, lover of coffee, lover of all things pink, purple and/or sparkly, lover of chocolate, and did I mention coffee? And sparkles? Oh, and I also kinda adore blogging... :o)
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you know, financial strain affects so many people & can be so stressful. it really is something that i think you will come out of… i think it will help so much if you could find a little part-time job (and once you start blogging). you’d be surprised how much getting out of the house can actually help some of the mental illness you suffer from as well.
what about babysitting/childcare? is that something you could do or not? the paid blogging thing will also pick up in a couple months!
you know, i never got to meet your son but i heard a lot about him – how sweet & funny he was. i can only imagine that missing him every day is completely normal, but obsessing about it is part of your OCD & can/should be controlled. once you let it begin to “drive you crazy” you are allowing something to happen that your son would not *want* to happen & it’s time to refocus.
refocus might mean doing something extremely new/drastic (such as learning a new dance off a dance class on the internet or running down the street and back or blasting music while you drive to the store, etc.) something fast-paced (like aerobics you watch on tv) will help refocus all of that energy. it’s okay to grieve him, but you must let God handle the overwhelming parts! you can’t handle / entertain those thoughts yourself! they are very destructive.
and nothing can take away you missing him, but each day you’re closer to seeing him again, really – you’re growing older each day. you should see it as a chance to rejoice because you’re that much closer to being reunited! and if you start waking up thankful for another day, a little bit closer to your son, the optimism will spread throughout he rest of your day/life.
there’s a song and a line in it that says, “heaven isn’t too far away…” and boy is that ever true.
just keep swimming <3!
i have had a babysitting job for a couple years, but i think sometimes that adds to my stress!! the thing about getting out is….i have a hard time with that sometimes, it adds a lot of stress. i have problems with being around a lot of people sometimes..then there is the whole fear of checkouts and oh my word, you dont even want to know….yeah i think the blog thing is going to pick up fast i already am part of ihype.com. i am going to get started later tdoay on my first assignment. by driving me crazy , i just meant i start crying and cant stop for a little while. i dont mean anything scary. and i just get on myspace or facebook or yahoo games or whatever and within 1/2 hour or so i am feeling much better!! yes, the fact that i will see Eli again soon does help. i always try to remind myself of that, but we as humans cannot be on topside all the time and we are going to just have “bad” days and that is all i am having. not to worry, i keep myself in check at all times as i have had very bad problems in the past and dont wish to “go there”. and there may be a time when meds are necessary, but i am trying to put that off until i absolutely NEED to go back on them. they tell me that i will ALWAYS have need of them periodically for short periods of time. thanks for all the advice and helps!! it is a blessing!!