insomnia…

well, here it is…..almost 4am and i am not tired at all!!!  i’m not even going to bother going to bed i don’t think, because i will just toss and turn and keep my darling C awake.  i have been doing that a lot lately.  very frustrating!  i think i am in a manic phase.  i am very irritated and agitated lately.  i have been having these outbursts of who knows what , lashing out at everyone.  i hate it when i get like this…i have little to no control over it. i can hardly stand to be in my own skin. UUUUGGGHHH.  i am like and angry drunk only i’m an angry manic!!!  that’s how it works for me…i am either really agitated or like excessively happy when i am manic and it’s usually the first one unfortunately for my family   but i have also been very weepy , too, so i think its a mixed episode, but i don’t know.  i told C today that i think i need to go to comm. mental health and be seen soon, if not immediately.  i think we’ll see how the weekend goes and if i’m not feeling better mon.  i will call them up and see what they say.  i haven’t seen anyone for this in a year or more, so i’m thinking it’s probably time.  i may need to go back on meds for a short time….i just don’t want to be so drugged that i can’t function properly, which has happened in the past.  we’ll see what happens…….