bipolar

a little about me:  i am one of those people who “function” in the “real” world with no meds and no support groups. some days you would be hard pressed to even see that there is anything “wrong” with me, but then other days you can tell i am not well.  staying in my Bible, attending Church several times a week and praying daily keep me from having to be on drugs.  plus i have a lot of support from loved ones.  lately i have been having very rapid cycles ( mania to depression within a couple of hours or even minutes) with headaches and loud thoughts again. the thoughts are not as loud as they have been in the past and if i busy myself on the computer or housework , they tend to stay in the background. the headaches for me are a precursor to something big about to happen, so i have to be careful now for a while…really keep myself in check so as to let people know if things get harry so to speak. i have been living with this more than half my life…really longer, just undiagnosed before that, so i know my signs and symptoms very well. i think the first signs of “trouble” came very early…my first hospitalization was as a 4 year old. i was suicidal already then and had homicidal tendencies also, from what i hear. they didn’t know what was wrong back then, they thought maybe schizophrenia , but i was not diagnosed bipolar, borderline personality disorder til i was 13 or so. all that time trying drug after drug, therapy on a weekly basis, interventions, etc.  i have been on and off drugs for the better part of my life and there are pros and cons to both.  for the time being, being off my meds is better for me. there will be a time when i will probably need to go back on them for a period of time, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.  for now the support i get from loved ones and my relationship with God are all i need.